Another year older...

Well today I have turned one more year older to the whopping age of 23, I know can you even believe it? lol Birthdays are a funny thing, when you are young they are something to look forward to, anticipate and celebrate to the fullest with all of your friends and family but once you get older it shifts somewhat and you don't really know if it is something you should go all out and celebrate, throw a party, have fun, be young or sit back, relax, enjoy the view and all that life and God has brought you throughout the year. Of course I am sure it could be a little bit of both, for me birthdays are kind of sad though. When I was younger it was such a great day, you got recognized in school, at home, from your friends, everyone knew it was your birthday. Then that night me and my family would usually go out to eat to celebrate, dinner resturaunt of my choice of course and we just celebrated as a family. I remember when that shifted and I didn't really care too much about celebrating with my family but wanted to be with friends instead, my own fault of course. But now as I sit here I wish those days were still around, instead I am the only one home, mom and Pat in Wyoming, one brother in Minneapolis and the other in Vermillion. I am not asking for pity so please don't think I am throwing myself a pity party, which looking back at this post it does indeed sound lik one (so sorry folks lol). It just really makes you look back and value the things that you once looked over and thought of as nothing, took for granted. BUT alas another year older just means another year to improve upon the things that get you down, make you restless, make you mad, upset, or all of the above. As for me, I really want to take this next year and make something of myself, I want to be dedicated and in charge of myself enough to know that I can succeed at losing weight and becoming the person that I want to be and the person that other people see in me. I don't want to be afraid anymore, not that I am afraid in a sense that I am quivering in my boots or anything but I get nervous in new situations, I clam up, don't talk, act like a buffoon and it honestly takes me awhile to open up...I never used to think I was a shy person and I honestly still don't really but I just get nervous about what to talk to people about...I know annoying habit. Anyway thanks for bearing with me through this post, it was kind of long and tedious! Hope you all are doing well and enjoying this blessed rain we have falling down on us!

Me and My Cuz

Okay so I am very close with my mom's sister Ivey and her family, I have frequently spent weeks at a time at their house during summers and when I lived in Aberdeen for a year going to school once a week I went out to their house to have supper, hang out and usually spend the night. I have just always been very close to their family, Ivey is kind of like a second mom to me and I am frequently told that I am more like her than my own mother...and she frequently likes to tell me that she OFTEN took me off my mother's hands when she needed help while I was young. Anyway, her oldest Ashley and I are pretty close, at least I like to think so, sometimes it is pretty difficult because there are extenuating circumstances that sometimes make it not the easiest of relationships. I guess the main thing being that my aunt's family is apostolic (my aunt married my uncle Gary who was apostolic and then she converted). As you can imagine though this makes it at times difficult to have a "normal" relationship. I guess it is kind of hard to explain. Sometimes it is hard just because it is hard to break through those barriers that seem to envelope them, they have their own little segregated group so to speak and a lot of their views are different and they have strong views on a lot of things (they don't cut their hair, they don't wear make up, they don't watch TV or movies-- just a lot of thigns that I tend to enjoy and fluorish in, I love cutting my hair, love make up, LOVE watching TV and movies, haha) But even through all of these "hurdles" so to speak, we have gotten to be good friends and we generally have a good time together anyway. Sometimes I feel more comfortable in their family then my own, at least until my aunt starts on one of her rampages that is...haha just kidding ivey. In all honesty though Ashley is kind of like a sister to me. We used to think we were so cool because for a long time we were the only two girl cousins out of 10 grandkids! but then her younger sisters came along and kind of busted that up. Even though she can be trying beyond words at time and sometimes I would rather throttle her than hug her...I guess that is what family is about, loving each other despite your differences and being thankful that someone is there, no matter what hurdles, differences or barriers.

Grey's

OKay...yes I am a die hard Grey's Anatomy fan and may I just say what in the world?! After two weeks of no new episodes they come out with THAT tonight? I mean don't get me wrong, it was a great episode but no way in h-e- double hockey sticks are george and izzy supposed to be together!!! I mean seriously what in the world...are we going to have a rerun of the same crap that happened with george and meredith where he stayed bitter and angry george for a whole year? because pretty sure I can't go through that again, they are only supposed to be best friends, not lovers!!! On the other hand i loved the stuff with meredith and her dad, i hope they finally resolve their relationship :D anyway I know this is probably not something you guys really have a heart to read but I hadn't posted anything in awhile and this was currently all I had on my mind... haha