Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Struggling...
Okay so I hate admitting this because it makes me feel like a complete failure but I have been STRUGGLING for the last two months to read my bible. Honestly I don't think I have even opened it in how long and it makes me sick with myself. I go to bed each night feeling totally convicted and guilty because yet again I have put off spending time with my Father. I don't even know why I do it because I actually enjoy reading the Bible stories but for some reason it feels so much like a chore to me, like the daily homework assignment I have to be sure and complete before the day is over. I know that I shouldn't look at it like this and I hate that I do, but ever since I have taken that step to give my life over to God, it has been a continual struggle for me to stay focused and steadfast in reading by Bible. I have tried different devotional books, doing the daily life journals, just reading the Bible of my own accord, starting where I want and reading through but nothing seems to have helped! I feel like a complete loser! I am sure that it has something to do with the fact that I wasn't raised reading the Bible, I always believed in God but reading the Bible wasn't something that my family did and truth be told my family isn't very religious in and of themselves, I am pretty much the only one that attends church and has a close relationship with God. I know you live by example and the example I have just isn't great. Don't get me wrong, I believe my family is great and my mom has taught me a lot of things about life and she has a great heart and I know that she knows God and Jesus as her savior, but to her she doesn't see the need to go to church and read her BIble, but I believe her heart is right, anyway that is off the subject.... I need something, I don't want to continue in this rut and not spend time with God, I mean I am supposed to help teach a group of young girls about the importance of their relationship with God and spending time with Him and reading their Bible yet I myself struggle with the concept, talk about hypocrite. Anyway if you guys have any ideas at all I am open for suggestions!
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1 comment:
I certainly can understand what you're talking about, and I have lived 30 of my 50 plus years as a Christian. Just the last 6 months I have (finally) begun an earnest reading of the Bible. I have read it, from time to time, of course, and one year I actually read it through. But now finally I appreciate it in a new way. I pray as I open the word that the Lord would open my eyes and my heart and be Life to me through the word. Even so, there are days when I have to force myself to do it! Our pastor has challenged our church to make it our first priority, and I think of that each morning--to make it the first thing I do, even if it means getting up earlier to do it.
I guess the only advise I have is to just do it, and do it prayerfully, so the Lord can talk to you through his word. You might want to consider using a different Bible. I use the Living Bible, which is what works for me, then if I have questions, I look in a different translation which has commentary.
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